For Those Who Have Nothing Left....

DON SMOKES "BOB" IN HIS PIPE...
WHILE SUCKING ON A RICH MAN'S STOGIE!!!!

ARE ALIEN SPACE MONSTERS DULL BEYOND BELIEF??
----->Are You ABNORMAL?<-----
BIG DEAL!!!

You're Probably A Talentless, Whimpering Art-Fag! The Normals Are
Right...YOU ARE A SUBHUMAN!!! you're Probably Just a Blubbering "BOBBIE",
Trying To Cop A "Hip" Off Of The Creators Of SubGenius!

YES! BOB IS A
PICTURE!!!
and still threatens NO ONE!

Do people think you're strange?
YOU ARE!!

We're sick and tired of shaven-headed, body-painted
GOD-KNOWS-WHATS!!! Boldly surrealistic artist-type WORMS proving
nothing! Pee-drinking, acid-taking, dead dog-beating railroad tunnel
art-school drop-outs WHo SpEL! EVerYtHinG WruNG. "Oh, but I'm
expressing my abnormality, this has very deep meaning!!"

P-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-b-b-b-b-ttt!

Science CAN Remove Money-Grubbing
"get-ahead", Babel-ING, Surrealist writers!
IT'S A TECHNIQUE CALLED A GUN!

"...B-but, I'm RANTING! i'm speaking in GUMS!!"
"YAH SPIT ON MY PANTS, IS
WHAT YAH DID!!"

Actually, Church of the SubGenious hierachites like STANG, HYPERCLEETS,
MEYER, and STERNODOX never intended to overthrow "The Conspiracy" at all!
Their real motivation is to use their somewhat questionable "literary talents"
to join "REBELLION ESTABLISHMENT" characters like Timothy Leary and Mark
Mothersbaugh, and bask in SLACK (translated: Wealth and Fame). And where
does THAT leave the BOBBIES????

The NeoGeniustm Must Have LOOSENESS!

THE CHURCH OF "DON" AND HIS FOLLOWERS, THE
"NEOGENII", EXIST TO MAKE MOCKERY AND PARODY OF
J.R. "BOB" DOBBS AND HIS SILLY FOLLOWERS, THE
CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS!

We exude a mockery and hate for all manner of SubGenii, including RANTERS,
CLIP-ARTISTS, SACRED SCRIBES, HEAD LAUNCHERS, ANTI-MUSICIANS,
FILMMAKERS, WRITERS, COMEDIANS AND ARTISTS.

PULL THE EYES OVER YOUR OWN WOOL!
FACE REALITY FOR A CHANGE!!!!!!

"This Christian just came up to me at the airport and
tried to talk to me about Christ, and I just said "I
worship 'BOB', Yuck-yuck-yuck!"

Cliquish, pseudo-intellectual white boys making incomprehensible
in-jokes to alienate all others around them...PRAISE BOB! *snicker,
snicker, snicker*

"Oh, here's my twenty page, stapled together Xerox-een based on Science
Fiction films of the 50's!! I also sent a copy of my tape to Stang...but, even
though my Xerox-enn isn't typeset and is hardly legible, it's my only
outlet for all my pent up rage and the only meaning to my life...PRAISE
BOB...I guess..."

----------FOR THE FIRST TIME, IN ALL HONESTY...----------

KILL ME!!

HENCEFORTH, IF ANY OF THE PATHETIC, WHIMPERING SUBGENII ARE HEARD
BLEETING "KILL ME", WE'RE A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD BE MORE
THAN WILLING TO TAKE THEM UP ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You Can't Just Talk About Some
Little "Infinite Hate"...YOU'VE GOT
TO TAKE A LIFE To Be Accepted By
DON!!!

THE CHURCH OF DON CONSISTS ENTIRELY OF BURNED OUT
MEMBERS OF THE HIERARCHY OF THE CHURCH OF
SUBGENIUS

The jesting of a DONIST is similar to the actions of a
junkie with collapsed veins, who must jack-blood up
into his syringe several times in order to get a FIX!!!

BLEEDING HEAD STUPID...
HEALED HEAD POINTLESS!

The Church of DON is the HIP-FAITH of the 90's. We're into real estate,
banking, foreclosures, oppressing others and other reality oriented financial
ventures that the Church of the SubGenius BOOKWORMS seek to ignore! It's
no wonder they're so BROKE! We're into frat-boy keg-parties, bowling, pay
per view wrestling and closed circuit heavyweight boxing, too! We're into just
flopping in front of the TV with a beer, turning it on and watching it without
even checking or changing the channels. Art and invention is pointless! We
like things THE WAY THINGS ARE! We like plaid! Don't cut up our
magazines...we might want to read them later, or clip out COUPONS!! We're
into Norman Rockwell over Salvador Dali. We wish life could be more like a
Tide or Maxwellhouse commercial. Don't bother looking for a P.O. Box
number for the Church of Don...we'll contact you...IF WE DECIDE TO LET
YOU LIVE!!!!

Complete Jackass, or Complete
Jackass?

We conceptualize an
infinite hierarchy of
monosyllabic named,
male, 50's, pipe
smoking salesmen-
satirical deities,
endlessly parodying
each other.

If BOB is a parody of
earth and the entire
physical plane, then DON
is a parody of BOB, Joe a
parody of Don, Frank a
parody of Joe, etc, etc.
DON

Donists are
ultra-normal,
ultra-hateful,
mockers of Bob
They are not
normal, however.
They are normal +
subgenius +
something else!
Just as the X-ists
will destroy all
normals in 1998,
the Z-ists will
destroy all
subgenii!! You owe
another twenty
bux!!
JOE

Are you
abnormal-normal-
abnormal-normal?
Beware the A-ists!
Joe exists to mock
the worshippers of
Don!! Praise Don!!
yuck-yuck-yuck!
FRANK

We don't even
understand what
"Frank" is all
about! Praise Joe!
Beware the B-ists...I
guess...snicker...
CHUCK

Beyond us!
No one
knows what
chuck is up
to! Praise
Frank! Huh?
DAVE

fucked yer mother
in the ass five
times with a black
and decker
B'brob'fran bone
BILL

L$q**-@@
fSo#--o$
c~L$oq#
LOU

GERguhLingus
htoker
lingusheen...y
uk...gahhh...

LOU

A Sample Of The LOU Pamphlet

"The CHUCKIST form
a vast Conspiracy
against Lou
worshippers! Fight
back by
guh-l'uhfran'guhbob
ung-tweee-fum.
PRAISE LOU!"		 "Guh'bloogin'yahgin'
Familyfeudpa'rtthree. Ung
frig-yucg-guhbloogin on my
pants.
y-gursenigurpoo,er-Kekahvery
ugbloatedog'fran, schpang"

-Lou
THE C-ISTS
APPROACH IN
2028!!!! SEND
$2,020 BEFORE
IT'S TOO LATE!

SUBSCRIBE TO LOU'S MAGAZINE:
"The Stark
Gitchuh-and-uh-goo-goo-goo Removal"

 Send $2,020 to:
Guh'fran'shukfreeen
Lou Post Box
469087546799675456890
987 Plainsville Saturn
109982-A

The jesting Of A
LOUIST Is So
Demented, So
far-out...It's
NOT EVEN
ENGLISH
ANYMORE!!!!!
We Don't Even Comprehend What It's All About!

The Ladder Of Eternal HATE!

You thought you were SOMEONE becuase you were into "Dobbs", but in
reality you are in the LOWEST CHAKRA! We conceptualize a transcendental
yoga of HATE! You create so much hate that you destroy the entire
universe...that's neat...so, you think THAT makes you a TOUGH GUY, huh?
But now you find yourself in a NEW UNIVERSE of beings so hateful and
powerful that you're utterly DWARFED! You can't even get a DATE in this
NEW UNIVERSE! A NEW UNIVERSE where you just say "I've read Mein
Kampf" and someone answers "Yeah, I've read 'Be Here Now' and 'Mein Kampf'
and all that other LOVE BURGER SHIT!!!" A UNIVERSE OF BEINGS who just
say "I want to KILL YOU!" as a sign of RESPECT! Let's all
get together and destroy this "Bob" thing!

[originally transcribed by Rev. SuSpEcT dEvIcE from the pamphlet by Janor Hypercleats]