©1992 by Dixie B. and C. Arthur Kill
reprinted from The Underground Newspaper

AieeAieeAiieee!! Finally, an event happens in Savannah! Something truly worth wasting our time on! Incredible! Unbelievable! The Church of the Subgenius brings its holy message of Eternal Salvation- or Triple Your Money Back- to the Coastal Empire. (Now, we must state something right here and now: Even though the name of this column is Theatre Review, the event we are about to describe was NOT theatre, was NOT comedy, was NOT rock music, no, it was a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE!!! It is being written about in this column merely because it took place in a theatre, the Savannah Theatre, on Bull Street, to be exact, on Friday, September 11.) Sponsored by a local Subgenius Clench known as Octopus Family Robinson, the event featured Janor Hypercleats from Arkansas, Papa Joe Mama from Florida, Barney Helter Skelter from Pooler, and Medulla Oblonghoulash from Ontario, as well as a host of local musicians.

The theatre was small, crowded. We barely made it in before the doors were locked and sealed, two of the lucky, two of the blessed. The majority were turned away, back into the cold street, away from the love of "Bob", away from the message of Slack. These people can only pray that another devival will be held soon, so that they, too, can bask in the message of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs.

The set design was incredible- but of course, to call it "set design" is wrong, is a sin- no, the religious iconography adorning the stage was incredible, showing a fanatical level of devotion in the artists responsible. A large cybernetic Dobbs' head dominated the stage, 'frop smoke rolling from the pipe clenched in its metal lips, annoying, hypnotic video playing on the televisions it used for eyes. The pulpit was built from the skulls of normals, and from it beamed images of "Bob". Some of us were lucky enough to get seats- but even those people sitting on the floor were blessed compared to the poor damned souls who were turned away at the door!

Long time worshippers of Dobbs are probably already familiar with Saint Hypercleats, though it was quite a shock to see how OLD he was- IT'S 1992! The Book of the Subgenius has been available for nearly a decade! Less than six years left- and you probably missed St. Janor's sermon! Well, we didn't! Rev. Oblongoulash and Papa Joe Mama are recent additions to the Church, a second wave of newly converted preachers spouting the words and wisdom of Dobbs. Barney Helter Skelter- well, some say that he was actually an Illuminati Spy- if so, then we best not talk of him any more. If not- then he was probably just a spy from a hostile foreign government and so we'd better not mention him anyway.

You must understand, if you are one of the poor dupes reading this, expecting a critical review of a "SHOW". The title "Theatre Review" was just a ruse, a trick to make you read this-. Who do you think we are, a bunch of fucking Normals? This isn't a review at all- How can you review Church? You don't go to church to be entertained- you go to church to get right with the Big Guy- and his one true messenger of Slack- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs! The World is going to end on July 5, 1998- and only the saved, only the chosen, only those SubGeniuses who have sent in their $20 to Dallas will be saved. The only requirement, the only qualifier for measuring a religious church going experience, is did you leave church with more slack than you went in? The Subgenius must have Slack, and this event supplied it, and lots of it, unlike conspiracy churches, which drain you of slack, suck you dry of slack, turn you into a withered husk devoid of Slack. This event was so Slack filled, it can't be described. And you probably missed it. Well, don't kill yourself - yet. Rumor has it that somebody videotaped this gala religious experience- and it will soon be available to all you poor sinners, for a small fee. The only problem is- Who? Nobody seems to know who was videotaping, or who the people were who took photos. If you have information- please contact Rev. Keith Fingernail at P.O. Box 10364, Savannah, Ga. 31412. He is looking for video and photos of the Devival- and he's willing to pay.

Have you ever noticed how articles in TUN just seem to end, with no clever summary or closure, or even worse, how the stories just seem to peter out, gradually losing their steam and jumping randomly from one subject to another- well, it's happening here again.